This time next year, Steffan will be 18. I thought about this Wednesday afternoon as I took to the nearest Steak-N-Shake to drop off an application. I had to hold back tears as I parked to let him out, trying not to let him see that I was crying. Learning to let go is probably going to be the toughest thing I'll ever have to do with my kids.
I've been doing a lot of praying that he will be okay when he gets out into the world. Right now I'm worried because he is completely, and understandably wrapped up in his wonderful new girlfriend. I did the same thing when I was dating Mark. NOTHING ELSE MATTERED. I TRY to remain silent (and don't do a very good job!) when he mentions how worried he is about spending time with his girlfriend once he does get a job. I definitely remember those days. Nothing else mattered. I was completely wrapped up in spending time with Mark. Honestly, it's the same way today...but not because I'm a love struck teenager. It's because Mark is so busy working 2 jobs and being a faithful servant of God, that each time I get an opportunity to spend time with him, of COURSE I'm going to take it!
Steffan and I discussed how he felt about turning 18 and getting out into the real world. I was surprised to find that he is scared. I wasn't expecting that answer from him. When we discuss him making good grades, his reason for wanting to do so has been that he wants his license and that motivates him to work harder. Since he wasn't stating the fact that it's because he knows he'll have a better future, I was terrified that he didn't realize what he had waiting for him outside our front door.
Whatever he does, I hope it's for the Glory of God. And all I can do now is pray for him and work with his dad to guide him in the way that he should go. Pray for us as we do this.....and pray I don't run out of tissues!
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